that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
