She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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