would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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