I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
