I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
