Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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