he looks like a really good dad on facebook
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
