i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
