Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
