just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
