He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Actions speak louder than pants.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
