where am i from again
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
