The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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