If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
