The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
