yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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