I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
