That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
