I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Your cock deserves a montage
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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