i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
