i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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