i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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