My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
