her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
