You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
