im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
