8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
