I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
