There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
