The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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