well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
