Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
