i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
