mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
