Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
