so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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