fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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