Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
