he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize