If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
