He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
