went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
