I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
last night I used snow as a chaser
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
