Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
