just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
