I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize