I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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