Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
