i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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