i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
