That's intense
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
