cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
