In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
