I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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