in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The air was thick with penises
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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