Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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