so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
