remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
