the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize