hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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