y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
