do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
