I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
