I am in a vortex of obligation.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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