Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
