saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
